During the first stage of a child ‘s development can be observed and experience different phases. One, and perhaps the most difficult to carry, are the tantrums that affect both parents.
These tantrums or outbreaks of temper are part of the normal behavior of a child. This phase usually appears first in the first year and can be extended to three or four years. But, before taking to the extreme, the very concern of parents is important to understand that they are acting according to how old they are, and you need to know why these reactions occur to help overcome this period.
When you start this process of reflection, one should ask the question: are these tantrums good for the child? The answer is yes. The book What to Expect the second year (2011), by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel, teaches us what is hidden behind these tantrums and the reasons why they may be beneficial for small growth process:
- They need to release their frustration. Attempts to a child when getting something are prevented, either by failing to take the puzzle piece by bad buttoning a shirt or being unable to say what they need.
- They need to communicate. Many children do not yet have the language skills needed to communicate properly, so for them, a tantrum is their way of expressing themselves.
- They need to establish their autonomy. They seek to act independently and feel as such, prove that what they want is important.
- Lack of control in their lives. Always tell them what they should and should not do, and their emotions, because when they go haywire, they do too.
How to avoid tantrums
Although there are no exact formulas to permanently get rid of these outbreaks, the book proposes a series of patterns that you can try to avoid the creation or become more delicate. “Start your prevention program by tracking your child’s tantrums for one or two weeks, noting when they occur and why” the authors suggest.
Thus, knowing beforehand triggers their behavior, it will be easier to modify or delete, using the following guidelines:
Establish a regular schedule for your child. Meals, naps, and other daily routines will help reduce the risk of a tantrum.
Leave to rest properly. Make sure that you sleep enough hours in both naps and at night.
Provide enough energy. We must offer nutritious snacks needed to avoid crises caused by hunger.
Not assign or abuse the “no”. Negativity parent can cause many tantrums. Sometimes you have to say “yes” or offer an acceptable alternative, always setting clear and reasonable limits. But one should not give in to a tantrum because then it would be transmitting the wrong message to your child about what can he get whenever he wants.
Balance control over it. You can not control what a child eats, wears or does because this can cause a rebellion on their part. But excessive and boundless freedom can also cause tantrums. It is about giving options to your child so that he feels he can make some decisions for yourself.
Fighting frustration. We must try to understand the small and listen to know when precisely the help of their parents so they can offer it only if necessary. If the child explodes in the midst of an outbreak, you should teach soothe feelings of anger by expressing it through words or diverting your attention to something more interesting, like a toy, a book, a song or a hug to pacify him.
How to face them
Given these manifestations tempered by the small, no technical permanently eliminate tantrums of children, but it is possible to moderate or minimize these behaviors. To do this, you have to know what you have to do and what to avoid.
What to do?
- Keep Calm. If the child sees the parents lose their tempers, this will only cost you more calm. “Your child should see him as a model of maturity and stability anchor” write the authors.
To help control the nerves to crises child must follow a series of tips to help you stay calm. First, we must get rid of bad temper so common in parents who have been subjected to some pressure, stress or personal problems and that can affect how they react to these conflicts. It is important to save the great confrontations in small tantrums and set aside for stronger tantrums. When they occur, a crucial aspect of dealing with them takes a breath, count to ten and breathe deeply as parents believe they are going to explode, let off steam and express themselves, but moderating words. If, at a given moment, the situation puts too furious to steer clear of the child and download this aggressiveness on an object or performing other activity. Another option to relieve anger is called a family member or friend and tell them what happened.
Murkoff advice and Mazel is firm: “do not forget to show only the behaviors that your child would want to imitate during an outbreak of rage”.
- Speak without raising his voice. Shout louder than her son when he squeals only serve to further raise the voice volume as it is seeking to be the center of attention. It is best to use a soft tone and quiet for the small see that has not lost his nerve.
- Protect your child (his and others). This is important especially if tantrums occur in public places, as then, it is recommended to move the child into the car or stroller until he calms down. If it happens at home, simply sit him on the bed, avoiding causing damage to objects or get hurt himself or others.
- Try to catch him. Firmly catch them during one of his outbreaks of temper can help dilute the rage, especially if this happens to a warm embrace. However, not all children are so receptive and can reach even angrier. So if your child does not want to get caught, do not insist. It is essential to express empathy towards them and understand his frustration.
- Diversions . Showing him her story or favorite song, a toy or proposing to do something fun and grimacing can be effective for the little forget your anger.
- Ignore the tantrum. The shrieks and tantrums can mean a simple wake-up call, and if you see your parents ignore it, you may pass before him. Conversely, if your child is going through a bad phase or is very sensitive, do not ignore it.
What not to do?
- Punish him. These behaviors are own children and can not control nor is it his fault that act in this way, so they should not be punishing these tantrums occur. Much less if it comes to physical punishment, like hitting, slap him or hurt him, because only has consequences that could become dangerous.
- Stressed . Not to worry if you can not appease the child, because, at the end, when your child has vented a little tantrum will disappear.
- Reason or argue with him. “The logic eludes them. Save yourself the explanations for more rational moments, “say the authors.
In addition to these suggestions, there are other reactions should be avoided, such as using inappropriate words, since it does not cause moral harm to the child, so parents need to moderate their language when they are addressed with the child. But most importantly, see and know that it is adults who have the controlled situation, they are calm and not get carried away by nerves tantrum.
Once past the time of tantrum, no need to punish more severely the small toy or forcing him to apologize, but it is best to praise him for having managed to calm down. Let us not forget that this is normal behavior in their development stage.
However, if these outbreaks of temper occur two or more times a day, this behavior may be due to another series of problems affecting the child. In these cases, it is best to consult with your doctor.